I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
