Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
