you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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