I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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