nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
