Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Congratulations! We have a period
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
