watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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