thus making me awesome and them whores
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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