it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
