dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
