paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
