Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
