After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You made out with two different species that night
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
