just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
