Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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