Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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