I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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