He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
