if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
