WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
