I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
