Ambien. No doubt about it.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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