I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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