ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
