Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
