He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
