having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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