I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
