if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
