i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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