I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
