Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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