My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
