I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
