That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
