I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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