Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
