Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
