Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
