Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
