eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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