Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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