I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
