It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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