I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
