Who did Billy Mays play for?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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