my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
