but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
