Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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