Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
