is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
