the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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