Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
