hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
