I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
